Surgery 2009

June 30, 2009.
Today at 9:00 am I went in for surgery. I was scared and very sleep. Dr. DeDecker was my oral surgeon; he had given me a pill to take on an empty stomach. The pill made me really relaxed, and mom had to help me walk by the time we got to his office that morning.
Dr. DeDecker’s assistants put me in the surgery room and started hooking me up to a breathing and heart monitor. Then they put an IV in my hand, I remember thinking to myself that I was grateful to have the IV in my hand rather than in my arm, where the paramedics had placed it last summer when I was hospitalized for a few hours. After that thought, I cannot remember anything else.
Then I started to come awake, and I saw Dr. DeDecker walking around the gurney that I was strapped to. He told one of his assistants to take me to the recovery room. There I was given ice, a lot of gauze, and some unanticipated food restrictions. After a few minutes of getting my head back on my shoulders they helped me out to where my mom was waiting. She told me that I had been out for about 2 hours while they operated, I was just glad that I was not awake for any of it.
Mom took me to my Grandma Clawson’s house, where we were visiting, and I slept. When I woke up I took some antibiodics that she had gotten for me from Walgreens, as well as some Vicodin. That medicine was like an instantaneous sleep inducer for me. But it definitely killed the pain that I should have been feeling in my mouth from the wisdom teeth surgery and the bone graft. I was happy that I was asleep.
When I woke up, all I could drink was water, and all I was allowed to eat was applesauce. I was not very happy about that. I was starving, especially because when I had gone for the surgery that morning, I was not allowed to eat anything before. That was so that I couldn’t throw up any food during or after the surgery.

My journal entries for the following days:
July 16, 2009
I went to my oral surgeon appointment today.
Today I received one of the worst forms of news that you could ever have, other than “out-of remission” for those with cancer. The bone which had been grafted in the front [of my mouth] was “puffy” on both sides, so Dr. DeDecker wanted to look at it more closely. He numbed my top jaw with about 8 shots, because when he would cut or dig into the infected area, it hurt me [and I could still feel it]. All I heard after that numbing- which went all the way to my nose- was bone scraping against metal instuments.
I felt scared and numb, not knowing what was going on; I started shaking when he first started scraping. I was so scared. He finished and told me what had happened.
My body had rejected the bone graft and he had taken all of the bone out: the bone he had grafted as well as some of my natural bone. (It hadn’t been him scraping and draining the infection out of my mouth like I thought, it was him scraping bone out of my pallet, out of my mouth.)
Tears streamed out the side of my eyes as he told me that I was the only patient he had ever had where this had happened. I was so distraught- and I am still- all that pain and recovery time was for nothing!
As I though abouth the [news] that I had been given while still lying down on the operation table, the thought came to me of the foundation of the Salt Lake temple; how the first foundation was weak and how the second time around, the members built [the foundation] out of a stronger and more durable material- one that wouldn’t crack. So this first bone graft was weak and in the years ahead would possibly have created problems and that was why this had happened. But it still hurt me so much to know this had happened, and to know that last night I prayed for a way to strengthen my faith and share my testimony with others, and I truly feel that this is a way to strengthen my faith [and to live my testimony]. I can no longer rely on myself, because I literally have no strength. The only person I can turn and rely on is my Heavenly Father now. He is the only one that I can turn to for strength, support, comfort, and peace.
Grandma Willis (whom I was living with at that time) called mom as soon as I got back to my Grandma’s shop, after an hour and one half appointment that should have been fifteen minutes at most. Mom and the family are coming out tomorrow morning to help me get through this. She talked with me briefly on the phone (mostly because I was having a hard time speaking with so much gauze in my mouth to stop the bleeding). She told me that we didn’t have to do this again, we could stick with the flipper (fake teeth on a pallet mold, similar to a metal retainer just without the bar in the front), and take it from there. That she didnt want me to go through this disappointment and pain again.
I have never been so grateful for my blessings. My mom will drop everything to come help me (well, that and she didn’t want me driving anywhere on the pain medicatrions that they have me on. They cause me to be way drowsy). I have been protected, Dr DeDecker knew what to do and the infection was not as bad as it could have been. I have family who loves me surrounding me here (in Utah). What more could I want or need?
A few hours after all this, I felt that I needed to get down and thank Father in heaven for all my blessings. (We were all at Bryson’s birthday party, so I went off and was resting in a bedroom). Darren, my uncle, and grandpa Willis even gave me a blessing of healing where I was promised that the pain would be bearable and that the infection would leave me. (It was a blessing of comfort and love.) As long as I have the faith needed, I know this blessing will be fulfilled. It is amazing how much faith truly is needed in my life and in life in general. It has always confused me- faith has I mean. I know that it is believing something that cannot be seen, but I don’t know what it feels like, and I want to know that I have enough to be healed. I believe that I do, but I don’t know. So, do I have faith in the fact that I do have faith? (How confusing is that?)

July 17, 2009
Today’s oral surgeon appointment showed that I still have infection in both sides of my mouth and Dr. DeDecker is concerned because my body reacted so strongly to the surgery and the bone graft. He has never seen this before where the body outright rejects the bone and he is worried. He said as soon as he realized what was going on, it was imperative for him to get the bone out immediately. I have faith that everything willl work out. It hasn’t hurt all day, the stitches and the area (it was weird watching him place this long string in my mouth yesterday only to realize that, although I couldn’t feel it, he was stitching me shut. And it bled so much; it was all over in my mouth. During the surgery, they put gauze on my tongue to catch [the blood], and the blood was smeared aroung the outside of my mouth- which they cleaned). I know everything will work for the best, its just going to take some time.
[Mom took me to this appointment.] The infection had to be cut and drained again today . . . but having mom there helped, especially after he said that he was going to drain the infected areas again. I am sure she saw the fear in my eyes, but she was there for me and that helped me so much.
After all this drama, we came home…grandpa Clawson is giving me a blessing tomorrow morning for the infection, so I need to go to sleep. (I am kind of worried though, he doesn’t know that I need to be blessed for the infection- all I asked him was if he would give me a blessing. But Heavenly Father knows, so I am alright I think, well, I hope.)

July 18, 2009
My blessing:
*comfort
*body respond positively to what is happening with bone graft and infection and will heal
*be helped in my desire to act righteously
*Heavenly Father knows of my desires and loves me because I am His daughter
*I will be helped in feeling the directions and guidance of Father through the Holy Ghost
*be blessed with direction and righteous influence from Holy Ghost
*based on my faithfullness I will receive blessings given this day
*released from anxiety about infection
It is such a blessing to be able to ask for a blessing and have a worthy Melchizedek priesthood holder be able to give me one so full of the comfort and assurances that I needed to hear. I am so comforted and I feel a stronger sense of peace now than before. I am so grateful. Everyday I see new evidences that this church is the only one that holds the fully restored gospel and doctrine of Jesus Christ and I am so grateful that I am a member of His church.
“It is true, isnt it?” Naval officer.
“Yes.” President Hinckley.
“Then what else matters?” Naval officer.
(Story given by President Hinckley in a General Conference talk). I have been so abundantly blessed.

July 19. 2009
It was such a blessing today to be at church. Two of the speakers didn’t show up, so the new Bishop got up and spoke on faith. How amazing is that!? It was a testimony builder. Heavenly Father knew what I needed to hear on the subject that I had been wondering and learning about. The quote that he said that gave me a lot to think about was: “Faith is what binds each one of us to the gospel.” If faith is the binding power between me and the gospel, then I know that I have it. The gospel is the most important thing in my life. I couldn’t live without the gospel as a liahona in my life.
Tonight, I watched a BYU devotional given in February or March of 1997 by President Hinckley. He spoke about our pioneer ancestors and how we need to be as loyal and loving as they were. We need to be as faithful and as courageous in the face of iniquity and horrible things happening to us, as these men and women were. That gave me a lot to think about. I have so much to improve in my life before I am even half as strong as my ancestors were.

(I can no longer taste the infection drainage in my mouth. I could taste this drainage for the last two or three weeks, but I can’t anymore. This is a very good sign!)

July 27, 2009
Dr. DeDecker said that I am on the mend, meaning that the infection is gone and my body is healing itself now. Hallellujah!!! That is a direct result of the priesthood blessing I was given, I know it.

July 31, 2009
I flew home to Arizona today.

August 2, 2009
In Relief Society today, the lesson was on how adversity shapes us into the people Father needs us to be, and teaches us to become more like Him. Mom got up and bore her testimony, saying she didn’t do it enough and she hoped her actions had born her testimony to her children. But that she had been taught a lesson about adversity from her children. She explained that I had taught her and been an example to her these past couple of weeks with all my surgeries. She briefly told everyone how I had my bone graft and a while later something had gone wrong. In 35 years of oral surgery, the Doctor had never had anyone reject like I did. She said that even as I was in the middle of having bone scraped from my mouth, Heavenly Father had comforted me by reminding me of the Salt Lake temple’s two foundations. She knew that this had been impressed upon me so that I would have the courage to try again. She had learned so much from me about Father and adversity.
I was so grateful to her for her testimony. This fulfilled my prayer of weeks before, that I would be able to share my testimony with those around me. I did share it- I shared it with my mom. (The interesting thing is, I hadn’t even thought of that as an adversity. When I hear about how everyone has trials, I always worry because I really don’t see myself as having any. I was always afraid that I was failing this test of life because I couldn’t see any “trials” in my life. I guess I was mistaken. I just don’t recognize them as trials; I see them as being a part of my life, and as learning opportunities from Father in Heaven.)

Father in Heaven knows and loves me. I know that he has given me certain experiences to strengthen me, and to mold me into the daughter I need to become. I need to be someone who has the strength to be a beacon of light to a very dark world. This is why I was given these choice experiences; they have directed my path to be more in line with Father’s path.